What's Going On

04 September 2015

– HOLY CALAZONEY –

Dollar Pizza does not EXIST at BENS in WEST VILLAGE on MACDOUGAL ST.

BENS is an ICONIC pizza joint FEATURED in the introduction to the FX show LOUIE.

The pizza, is AWESOME.

I recommend getting the SICILIAN.

For my MID WESTERNERS, the SICILIAN is a square PIZZA.  Like JETS, or NIKKIS in DOWNTOWN DETROIT.  Not the THIN slices we’re all ACCUSTOM to in NYC.

A SICILIAN SLICE is $4.

It’s worth it.

Last NIGHT I tried their CALAZONE.  Here is my review.

IMG_2652

Bens PIZZA delivers one of the best SLICES in NEW YORK CITY.

The crust is fluffy on the inside, and cruncy on the outside.

If you want to ORDER a CALAZONE, you have to wait for them to make it.  About 10 min.

It is HUMONGOUS!

It is impossible to EAT with you HANDS.

A KNIFE and FORK are REQUIRED.

Yet, what does BENS give us as a solution?

Knife__Fork__Spoon

The CRUST of the CALAZONE is SUPER THICK.

I broke TWO PLASTIC knifes and THREE PLASTIC Forks trying to EAT the colossus STACK of CHEESE, PEPPERONI, and DOUGH.

I got about 1/4 of the WAY through it, and GAVE up.

It was IMPOSSIBLE to EAT!

If you PICK it UP, the CHEESE falls out.  TRY to PICK it apart with your FINGERS, YOU’RE covered in RICOTTA CHEESE, GREASE, and DELICIOUS.

To be FAIR to BENS, I didn’t want to THROW so much FOOD away in front of them.

So, I boxed it up and LEFT it on TOP of a GARBAGE can on MACDOUGLE for a HOMELESS person to CHOW on.

It was my FIRST failed ATTEMPT at EATING A CALAZONE.

As MUCH as I’d reccomend eating a CALAZONE at BENS pizza, I’d first RECOMMEND bringing proper utensils.

FEW things are more frustrating than trying to EAT something requiring POWER tools.  It’s the DIFFERENCE between building an IKEA bed with a POWER drill and a PARTNER, or BUILDING it yourself USING only the crummy TOOL included in the KIT.

If you’re going to SERVE a serious CALAZONE Bens, PROVIDE us with SOME SERIOUS TOOLS.

 

 

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